Archis's Blog

June 16, 2009

Is ‘God’ the dark matter of spirituality?

Filed under: 1 — Tags: , , , , , , — archisgore @ 4:13 am

Whenever physicists can’t explain something, they just call it “dark matter” or “dark energy” and assign it properties they need to explain away their theories (well, that’s a gross exaggeration, and certainly not a criticism). Mathematicians come up with “imaginary numbers” (at least mathematicians have the guts to use the adjective imaginary directly.)

I don’t make any claims as to the existence or non-existence of God here, so don’t degenerate the comments section with those issues. The purpose of this post is to explore the very instinctual and primal necessity to believe that God exists. In fact, it is my contention that most people need to believe in God, rather than the other way round through a leap of faith, as most religions would have you believe. Heck, we desperately need to know God exists, because if he doesn’t, all hell would break loose.

To give you a context of what I expect to learn from your feedback, I am looking for answers to how one may truly become a God-believer without needing to, and if, assuming God doesn’t exists, then how do we reconcile the conflicting notions of fairness that I’ll come to below. Basically, what is it that keeps us from falling into complete anarchy?

We live in a world of symmetry and opposites (no, this isn’t turning into a Dan Brown-ish post). Ever since we remember, we are brought up in a profit-loss environment with an ideal zero-sum game. Basically here’s how our brain is programmed to look at the world:
1. All things being equal, the world is zero-sum. We give something, and we get something back of equal worth. We work for money. We pay money for services or goods.
2. Given a choice, and following our natural instincts (I can’t be sure whether these are natural instincts or something we were programmed with as children), we aim to upset the balance in our favour. We aim for “profit” which is a way of saying, an attempt at gaining a return worth more than what it was given in exchange for.
3. When we lose something more than what we get in return, we call it a “loss”. Loss hurts.
4. To keep the system in check, and to prevent a descent into complete anarchy or returning to our savage roots, civilization prides itself on it’s systems of rules and procedures to prevent (2) and (3) happening and to aim to keep the system at (1) as far as possible.
5. In a profit-loss scenario, the loser, blames the profiteer for being unjust or immoral or whatever. The culprit is quantifiable, identifiable and observable.

When it comes to feelings however, we have no one person to blame. We all try to be good people (yes, there may be bad people which I’ll come to later, but I don’t think you’ll find anyone who is truly convinced they are bad themselves.) Due to the Zero-Sum mentality above, we expect others to be good to us in return. This is compounded by the fact that faiths, religions and cults all have some justification for why we should behave morally and ethically.

However this seldom happens. We do get hurt. We feel betrayed, hurt or treated unfairly. And yet, there are no laws to combat or prevent unethical behaviour – since laws depend heavily on “intent” and in such cases, there is little chance of proving the intent to “hurt someone”.

So we end up in a place where the theories don’t fit:
1. The world is based on a Zero-Sum game, or so we’ve been programmed. Ideally, there is no profit, no loss.
2. The world doesn’t seem to work on a Zero-Sum principle. Sometimes we experience only loss – and if it was emotional loss, than all the worse because it is unquantifiable and unmeasurable. Or at least, we don’t see a civilized system of rules and regulations to give us justice when we experience loss.

How do we reconcile the two conflicting ideas above? Well, before that let’s attack why we need to reconcile the ideas above. For one, we all like to believe we have a purpose in life. If the first concept were to be shattered, the world appears to be a much crueller and harsher place than we want to believe. There seems little point to keeping up pretenses of morality and ethics. We would resort to anarchy and selfishness, and yet something conflicts inside us, because even this vision of the world seems equally frightening.

The reality is, the only vision of a tolerable world is one where everyone (at least, everyone except us) is good, and honest and ethical and moral. A view where only we are good, and the world is bad doesn’t fit. A view where we are as bad as the rest of the world doesn’t fit either, because well, frankly, we want peace and happiness. Getting a green signal to breaking morals and ethics isn’t very reassuring so long as everyone else gets that green signal too – we all know there will be stronger people, and a survival-of-the-fittest world would inevitably be horrible for us. For closure, I have to mention one other view appeals a lot more – a view where everyone else behaves ethically and morally, while we have a green signal to break ethics and morals ourselves – basically, given a choice, we want spiritual/emotional profit the same as (1). However, in a perfectly good world, perhaps there would be no point or purpose to breaking ethics and morals anyway, so this view may be redundant….. wait… isn’t this what we define as “Heaven”? We’ll come back to this in a moment.

So there we have it – the reason we want to reconcile conflicting observations.
a. We want spiritual and emotional profit
b. We have no way of knowing how to ensure it – the rules seem very arbitrary. But we already know a system in place where we can ensure profit – system (1) – the Zero-Sum game. So we want to somehow map spiritual gain into a system we are familiar with.

Let’s get back to how we end up trying to reconcile it. We begin with the assumption that (1) applies to (2) without first considering whether it does or not (except Gautam Buddha – the only person who actually even questioned whether (1) applies to (2) to begin with) So beginning with the assumption that spirituality is a Zero-Sum game, we now need to account for the times when we were good to people, or tried to be decent human beings, and yet we get treated unfairly and unethically. We behave in a remarkably scientific manner than most would like to admit. The way Mathematicians came up with imaginary numbers, and Physicists came up wtih Dark Matter and Dark Energy, we came up with God. (No, this still isn’t going in a Dan Brown-ish direction.)
We want to be good people, and we want the world to be good, or rather, we want to be good people because we want the world to be good – it’s the only way we are assured of happiness. So there we are, behaving morally and ethically, and we get hurt.

The system makes perfect sense now. Just as we have judges and rules and laws for our materialistic possessions, we now have a God for our emotional and spiritual ones. As with Imaginary Numbers, we can now assign whatever unexplained properties to God by simply saying, “Let us define God as having x, y and z properties. Now, using God in equations (1) and (2) we can reconcile them.”

As I wrote at the beginning, I’m looking for your thoughts, ideas and other viewpoints on this. Furthermore I want to know how I may be convinced God exists, especially when I have nothing to gain or lose from his existence. If he doesn’t exist, then I want to know how people reconcile (1) and (2). I want to know what prevents them from breaking every pretense of ethics and morals. Why doesn’t everyone turn into a raving murdering lunatic?

Is anyone of us really God-loving or God-fearing as opposed to being desperately God-needing?

(For the purposes of clarity, when I say “God”, I mean the various super-natural concepts around the world, or the concept of a “Higher Power”)

June 15, 2009

Addicted to Failure

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — archisgore @ 5:07 am

I did comment before on how I find many, if not most, parents determined to grow their kids like horses on a stud farm for the purposes of display in a zoo. Yes, and I mean this quite close to literally in some cases. I can’t come up with a fancy or catchy name for this behaviour pattern yet, but I’m open to suggestions.

This is just a commentary and I make no point here, and I’m certainly not saying what’s right and what’s wrong. It’s just an observation I made and wanted to verbalise it and get your thoughts on it.

Parents’ defensive maneuver
I’ve covered the basics before – parents choose to shower their kids with everything they could possibly do – waiting in long lines for weeks to get admissions in the best kindergarten schools, sending kids off to extra coaching, and super-extra coaching to make sure they top their kindergarten, and if time permits send the kids off to extracurricular activities which are precisely timed and measured. Some learn music, some learn sports, but all in a measurable and quantifiable format. Why you ask? So that when the kid “fails in life” (failure again defined by said parents), the parents can claim they did everything they could possibly do. What more could they have done? Now this would be perfectly fine if it worked, but I’m now convinced beyond any doubt that it doesn’t. (For those not familiar with scientific terminology – all this means is that it has no effect on the outcome whatsoever, so don’t cite examples of where it worked and tell me it doesn’t ‘necessarily fail’ – if it doesn’t consistently succeed – or even succeed with any statistical significance, it’s called a failure. You might as well be throwing dice as your predictor for success.)

Two years after I pass out of college I can confidentaly say that some of my supposedly stupid friends from back in school and college turned out to be greater successes than most contemporaries from prestigious technical institutes who used to look down on us. I can now boast of ex-classmates who are reputed professional singers, an actress, a guy who runs an advertising company, a guy who failed his 12th exam (a BIG deal in Middle Class India) now lives on the sea-shore of Wales discovering oil, and countless others who became successes in things that I’d have hardly imagined were accessible to commoners. These are kids whom I’ve known to have never attended a single class, spent their time in coffee shops all day and spent time doing what they loved to do (which isn’t saying a lot). These were people who did everything wrong with their lives, by social norm. And yet, every time I talk to them when I visit Pune, I experience an intellectual high I no longer find in my own field. These people can talk about everything from literature (and I mean real literature – not Harry Potter books), wines, complex cheeses, intricacies of musical styles from different continents, history, philosophy, movie production, social dynamics, discrete mathematics, quantum physics, nanotechnology, and whatever else you can think of (had to cut down the list up there). These people are truly happy, and fun to be with.

If I contrast them with the people who did everything right with their lives, those were labelled by society as some of the best technical minds from the country, university toppers, 4.0ers, etc., I feel a great sense of frustration. The very people who went to a million coaching classes, did extra school work, would feel guilty for having missed out on the first five minutes of a class they were accidentally late to, are now the ones who spend their lives squabbling over marginal pay raises, fighting for promotions, cribbing about work-life balances, and bitching every evening about managers, co-workers and their companies. You’d have imagined these people spending spending their time discussing advanced algorithms, new breakthroughs, or products that change the world, and you’d be wrong. Then again we know what the smart MBAs from the best business schools, who were funded from taxpayers money and glorified in the press, have done to our economy – we’re all feeling the effects of that. It’s a gloomy and depressing scene in the technology and financial world today – where supposedly the smartest people exist.

Looking back on my life, I feel these people are the real failures in life. The reason we don’t hear about it as “failure” in common society is simply because all possibility of blame has been removed. Parents did all they could – they gave these guys the best tuitions, the best schools, the best of everything. They did everything Middle Class Morality expected of them. It was so much easier to push all responsibility on society rather than show a little backbone and take the risk of being right. You just send the kid to whatever the majority calls the “best thing to do” and you’re now no longer responsible for the kid’s failure – the majority will never admit they made a mistake – and the world moves on.

The Addiction to Failure
You heard that right. It is my observation that such parental behaviour encourages an addiction to failure in kids who are brought up this way. The I-did-all-I-could-do attitude comes from an inherent addiction to failure. During my last trip to Pune – which was my first trip in the middle of the recession, I realised something. My “loser” friends have fun and happy lives because they are really afraid to fail. They don’t know when they might fail, and they’ve experienced some really bad failures in their lives. They know the difference between hitting rock bottom when nobody cares for you, and the mushy-mushy failure when you have sympathisers. This means that they know what real failure tastes like (all you Indian readers can imagine what failing 12th standard feels like) and will do everything they can to avoid it. It also means that whatever fear they had of hitting rock-bottom has been faced and nothing frightens them easily. Someone who scores horribly in exams and goes to bad colleges will know that there is no pity to be expected in real failure – there’s only condescension, insult, and humiliation. You learn to live with the fact that you have nobody on your side. You are relegated to reading in newspapers about various opportunities, initiatives and whatever being offered exclusively to students on fancy colleges or those meeting certain criteria knowing that you have no chance in hell of ever being noticed.

The winners however, are addicted to failure because it gets them pity – an addiction worse than drugs, mainly because it cannot be easily identified. If you do everything right, and yet fail or are miserable, you have a bunch of people to pet you and pamper you. Over time, you start looking for trouble because it’s the lab-rat or dog-training reinforcement behaviour. You do something – you get sympathy – you do it again. When you’re a socially-defined winner, the majority won’t ever admit they were wrong, and instead enable you to feel sorry for yourself in order to justify themselves.

I know this seems a bit counter-intuitive and crazy, but look around you, the evidence is there. If I weren’t in Microsoft, or hadn’t gotten far in Code4Bill three years ago, how many sympathisers would have I had? Would you have said Microsoft doesn’t know how to hire good people? Now put me in the best college in India, and rethink the last two sentences. Would you have told me that I’m simply that bad which is why I failed? That’s real fear of failure – when you know that if you fail, you’ve got nobody to symapthise with you, and instead the entire world is waiting to tell you how much you truly suck. Now when I look back seven years ago at those aspiring singers, actors, writers, musicians, etc. I realise that the reason they learnt to be happy and fun is because they got to experience first-hand what it means to be ignored, rejected and not cared for, and I can safely say that boy are those people afraid to go back there again! The winners though, experienced early on that so long as they do what society asks them, and keep whining about how their life sucks, they get that many more admirers and sympathisers, and I can imagine why they’d want to go back there over and over and over again.

Fear of Failure provides objectivity

Another counter-intuitive statement and yet one that will make sense by the time I’m done arguing it.

People who’re afraid of real failure, know what it takes to win. They do whatever is in their power to win. What they don’t do is irrelevant stuff in a defensive maneuver. People were always surprised to find me and my friends watching movies during exams, and we’d open books at the maximum one hour before an exam. I can honestly say the maximum I’ve ever studied for any paper would be 4 hours before – much less than the countless weeks and months that the winners would spend on. I wasn’t the only one in class though – I’ve known tons of people who wouldn’t touch a book.

Once again, the answer is true fear of failure, as opposed to an addiction to failure. If I screwed up, there’s nobody to sympathise with me. The winners know as well as I do that most courses don’t have a whole lot of content that requires studying for weeks and months, but their sympathysers are the ones who really require to see them study for weeks and months so that when they screw up, they are assured of another sympathy fix, “Aww… you poor dear. You studied so hard. It’s alright, there’s nothing more you could have done!”

I’ve noticed this most commonly in humans. If they are assured they have no shoulder to cry on, their decisions are inherently rational and objective, than if they knew they had someone’s shoulders to cry on. When you know you have nobody on your side, you give up the sham of “hard work” and really begin working hard because you start focussing on what you want as opposed to what you need to prove in order to get sympathy. You really start exploring all your options. You become desperate because you’re afraid. You really end up doing all you could possibly do.

I noticed this in exams and I notice this in all the different companies where my friends talk about promotions, pay raises, whatever. Those who’re really afraid, just do whatever it takes and are happy when they get it. Others will do everything else except what their evaluators are looking for and will keep cribbing year after year about how they’re stagnating, because actually getting what they want would be detrimental to their sympathy-fix.

Part of why I had to verbalise this is that I began to realise I was falling in the same trap lately – especially in the last six months. When life becomes too easy, and you find yourself surrounded by people who won’t tell you you suck, its time to shake things up a bit!

June 11, 2009

Middle Class Morality

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , — archisgore @ 1:45 pm

A phrase coined by Bernard Shaw and voiced by his character Alfred Doolittle in Pygmalion. Alfred Doolittle is arguably the most loved character from Pygmalion, and every sentence he utters in the play could lead to lengthy blogs in their own right, but this one phrase has had the most impact on me personally.

I’ve already explored questions such as what it is to be a good person, and once defined, why anyone would want to become one. Entire religions, cults, and societies have been formed upon these questions and Alfred Doolittle’s five-minute stage time answers them all so elegantly.

Countless Matrix fans are already familiar with the concept of control in society. Whether real or not, we live in a world with psychological barriers meant to control us. Religions, customs, traditions, social acceptance are all imposed by a few upon the masses in an effort to contain them and control them. Generally speaking a selfish person is good for society. I know this sounds a bit counter intuitive, but really think about it. So long as a person is trapped in the selfish loops of their lives, they are harmless. They may be irritable and frustrated, but they are generally so involved in their own little world that they can be manipulated quite easily. Just imagine what would happen if majority of the population had their lives as relatively easy as people in my situation do – bills get autodebited, household stuff happens on autopilot, and get lots of free time on their hands – it’s a nightmare for the ruling classes – all of a sudden people would have loads of time and energy to demand better roads, better governance, and so on – in short people would become selfless.

And yet, due to industrialization and globalization, that’s exactly what did happen – in Europe and America a century ago, and in India over the last decade. The majority of the world’s population now lives in cities. Most services are provided by private companies – meaning better customer care and relatively easier lives for the masses (anyone remember the days when the government had a monopoly on telecommunications?) That can’t be good – people suddenly start caring about shit like “Human Rights”, “Budget Allocations”, “Corruption”, and all that kinda stuff. These aren’t people you can push over, because they’re the so-called ‘working class’ who use the word ‘deserve’ a lot more than is comfortable. These people work hard, and hence they deserve certain things and won’t back down until they get them. These people are in a majority too. These people also believe in notions like “self-respect” and “honour” and “dignity” – so long as these adjectives are applied to them by others.

Enter “Middle Class Morality”. In almost every speech by politians, business tycoons and generally anyone else, we hear the middle classes praised in one form or another – usually with the same adjectives above – self-respect, honour, dignitiy, hard-workers, etc. By creating a society where such adjectives need to be applied by “others”, you create a perfect selfishness loop for people to be involved in and keep busy. Now everyone is trying to gratify themselves by trying to get as many of their peers to apply those adjectives to them, while the peers are also engaged in the converse process. By tying these virtues with morality, you have a perfect weapon for manipulation.

As time progresses, whatever problems, issues or squabbles the middle class may have, can be squished with morality – whatever you don’t want them to do, just define it as being things that “bad people do” and you’re all done. Once the middle classes start judging each other’s nobility and self-respect and all that crap based on your definition of what bad people are, you’ll find not one of them will dare have any of their own kind call them “less dignified”. A system of perfect control. Of course, not all morality can be attributed to control – most of it is just plain stupidity. Once you have notions of “more dignified” or “less dignified” (don’t we just love comparisons?), the middle class starts inventing their own definitions and standards to be somehow “more moral” than their peers, who are trying to do the same.

Over time, we find ourselves in a society with a majority so selfish and self-absorbed in non-issues that the minority are left to do what they want and rule the world. I know it’s ironic, but morality is the biggest evil our society could face today. We all live under illusions of being “good people” and “moral people”.

Before ending I will say that to want to be moral and good isn’t wrong, which is why such manipulation is dangerous and requires almost Jedi-like calmness to prevent. It’s very difficult, but equally important, to be able to judge what really is righteous and moral behaviour, as opposed to what is simply being imposed as a system of control.

June 9, 2009

Pygmalion, the movie (1938)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — archisgore @ 2:09 pm

It’s hard to come by really good renditions of Shaw’s work – more so in India, and those faithful to him must resort to movies to satisfy our thirst to see remarkable characters engaging in verbal jousting the way only Shaw could have written. Most movies adapted from critically acclaimed works of literature are utter failures – but that’s to be expected because a Novel is not a screenplay. It’s a different medium of expression that requires different artists to get right.

That’s where Shaw and Shakespeare come in – their works are screenplays! It takes some great amount of skill to screw up a screenplay meant for a stage when adapted for a movie, as I would imagine making movies is a lot easier due to the ability to do an infinite number of re-takes.

My Fair Lady was good – in fact it was great. And yet, Pygmalion is a movie even I, a self-proclaimed fanatic of Bernard Shaw, was unaware of. The acting is much better than Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn. Colonnel Pickering looks like a real Colonnel. I am unfamiliar with the actors involved in this movie but damn is it good! As I found out later, Shaw won his only Oscar for the screenplay for this movie.

If you’re looking for intellectually stimulating dialogue riddled with sarcasam and sattire, you’re going to love this movie. Though some scenes from the play are cut and new ones added, it doesn’t remove the essence of the play. I do wish the dialog at Mrs. Higgins place between Henry and Mrs. Eynsford-Hills and Ms. Clara Eynsford-Hills would have been kept there – it shows us the true character of Henry at that point when he turns down the advances of Clara. Perhaps a dialogue not very popular, but one of my favourite few lines in the play, second only to Alfred Doolittle’s dialogues.

The one disappointment perhaps, is that this movie is where My Fair Lady borrows it’s ending from – with Eliza coming back to Higgins and he sensing her presense declares, “Where are my slippers, Eliza?”

What I wouldn’t give to see just one rendition of Pygmalion with Julie Andrews playing Eliza Doolittle!

Those “silly” helpdesk sheets are useful afterall

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — archisgore @ 12:47 pm

We read a lot about how helpdesks have silly instructions they always repeat for users to follow regardless of how smart the user is. You know what I mean, “Is your keyboard plugged in? Are you sure the power is turned on?” So on and so forth.

There isn’t a lack of people to make fun of these instruction sheets and also the people who have to patiently repeat those instructions over and over again. Yesterday however, I gained a new respect for both the instruction sheets and the people who help us out so kindly and politely.

I had to change my corpnet password. My laptop hanged while changing it and I went to work. For a few minutes my old password worked, and then suddenly it stopped working. Windows, being windows, gave a vague and cryptic message saying “Username or password is invalid.” For a few minutes I thought I was fired and this was it – my account no longer exists on corpnet.

I scrambled to call the helpdesk, and I decided to play along with the instructions by following them. The 2nd instruction was, “Lock your screen, then unlock it using your new password.” Viola! It worked! I never would have guessed it. (Add to that the fact that I’ve written some auth code in my life.)

Thanks to all those helpdesk people who have to patiently take abuses from people like me for helping me with something I would never have guessed.

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