Addictions in the classical sense are substances or behaviours on which we have become so co-dependent, that they seem absolutely necessary for our survival, and at the same time are dangerous for ourselves or those around us. Only when someone else cares enough for us to recognise our self-destructive behaviour, do we begin the difficult journey towards acknowledging it (recovery is still far away). Some addictions are easier to identify – drugs, alchohol, narcotics, etc. They can be measured by the visible co-dependency a person has. Urges to satisfy these needs can be medically suppressed, or in simpler cases, by simply denying access to them. It is easy to call out a drug-dealer and arrest them in order to prevent the drug delivery chain. Even if the addict is a moral failure, the drug dealer can be called an equal, if not worse, moral failure too. Addictions to substances, in short, are VERY easy to deal with because they are visible – and that’s half the battle won.
Lately though, I began to identify a behaviour pattern that had manifested within myself and those around me, and only over the weekend after lots of contemplation, did I identify it as an addiction of the most dangerous kind I had ever encountered. I now realized why attachment is forbidden in the Jedi Code. Under the labels of “love”, “affection”, and “caring”, we tend to become so highly co-dependent on people that we become addicted to them, their company or their approval. Really really think about it. We may dismiss these addictions by running away from them by using excuses like, “Afterall, we have to live in society…” but I dare anyone to say, “It’s not an addiction, and I don’t need it!”
Afterall, doesn’t a drug addict say they “need” drugs to survive too? Don’t they come up with excuses too? Don’t they deny the very fact that it’s an addiction in the first place? What’s the qualitative difference between a drug addict and a social addict? What is the moral foothold based on which the social addict displays their holier-than-thou attitude? At least drug dealers don’t use every form of media at their disposal to propagate their addiction. Society, on the other hand, does – making the drug dealer look like an angel on a morality scale.
We propagate romanticism through novels, movies and even religion. We ignore the true meaning of Love, and instead pervert it with our definition which is identified by our needs rather than the needs of those we claim to love. The existence of very word “heartbreak” shows just how perverted our definition of love is. An alchoholic is heartbroken when they are denied alchohol. So are we heartbroken, when we are denied approval by the person we “Love”. Through creative poetry, we plunge ourselves into the depths of addiction. We then justify said addiction by portraying it as something noble and desirable. Over the last few months, I’ve seen some remarkable achievements of friends who owned up to their addictions to people and turned their life around. Those who seemed like they had nothing to live for, suddenly became people I began to envy because there were thousands of people who couldn’t live without them. I dedicated this blog to honour these role models of mine. They may not be celebrated in newspapers or interviewed on television, but I want them to know that they have one admirer in this world, and I hope, the first of many.
I never realised what they really meant when people say, “Let it go…” My first instinct was to get defensive by saying, “I won’t let it go, because it’s a defeatist attitude. I want to win!” It’s no different from how a drug-addict will use every means at their disposal to “win” more drugs – it’s not really winning at all. The vicious circle was now apparent.
Then we come to those who feed these addictions. Ever notice just how tense the relations between so many “close friends” really are? One wrong word, one wrong comment, one inappropriate gesture, and all relations break down like a stack of dominoes. In order to avoid this, we find ourselves enslaved in their clutches. We try to please them in any way we can. Initially even I thought that the only person addicted would be the blame, but observe carefully and you find another culprit – the drug-dealer.
Over social experiments and careful observations performed for the last eight weeks, it turns out that the attention-seekers also feed these addictions to keep them going. Whenever a someone realises the person they are co-dependent on is drawing away, they modify their behaviour to what they think will attract the person back. So great is the need that people will go to remarkable lengths to make it happen. So far, nothing is really wrong. However, I found that at some stage, the addict starts losing their interest. They either begin to forget what codependency was like, or they just decide all the trouble isn’t worth the approval they may gain, or if they’re smart, they’ll realise they will never gain the approval they so desperately seek. If only their “victims” were merciful and would allow these people to recover by acting stuck up or standoff-ish. Life isn’t so easy, I’m afriad. It is at these critical points that I found the drug-dealers actually fiegning approval or closeness to feed the addict and give them hope, thus plunging them back into the depths of their failure.
Why this blog? Because knowing the enemy is and facing it is the only way to win the battle. Have you ever found yourself making excuses of “Love” or “Friendship” out of fear of losing someone? Chances are you’re addicted to them. Do you find people around you oscilating between being very friendly one day and distant the next? Chances are your addiction is being fed. It’s time to own up and face the reality. It’s hard to change – especially when you’ve been friends or acquaintaces for a long time, but life isn’t about what’s hard or easy, life is about what’s necessary!
